The Woes of Not Eating/Drinking/Sleeping

So, there really isn't anything new, but hey, why not blog and give all you fans somethign to read. LMAO! I crack myself up... I said fans.. isn't that funny? LOL! Anyways, So after Aaron called Xmas morning, I went to my dads and ate breakfast. Yummy. I haven't had one of my dads breakfast in a long time. I miss them. I should make it a recurring thing, like once a month. LOL! Anyways, I helped him fix his computer, well tried, but it was really weird and I'm not sure I was much help. He spent alot of the time helping a friend on the phone through a rought time with her husband, who was staying at his house. Eventually I was practically falling asleep since i hadn't slept that night. I went home and slept until my mom called at 9:30 PM. I answered the phone "Good Morning" and my mom is like, "Morning?" I really had no clue I had slept that late. I slept a little longer after she got off the phone, and then got up at midnight. I didn't do anything except play computer games and read. I know, its sad. I need to be packing. I need to be cleaning, I need to be doing Errands, but i'm sitting there playing computer games and reading. I'm so lazy. Anyways, I stayed up until Aaron called, and thought about staying awake, but decided it would be best to get some sleep. I started some laundry before I went to sleep, and tried to sleep for an hour, but my body was SO TIRED, but my mind was RACING. I could not get it to stop. I had an immense headache and felt sick. This is probably due to the fact that I eat about one meal a day, drink about a glass of something (juice, soda, etc) a day, and trying to reset my schedule so I try to stay up for more than 24 hours and never seem to make it. :P Anyways, I turned of the lights and finally fell asleep. I slept until about 4, when I got up, switched the laundry and left for work. Today was my first day on swing shift. It was okay, although kinda busy, and at times, not. They need to learn to stop sending people home early, because every time they do, we get slammed. Its silly. I didn't make much more than I usually do for graves, but that might be because it got so busy and I was ignoring customers trying to help others. Sometimes that gets you a bigger tip though cause the people see how much you are trying and they feel bad. LOL! Anyways, now i'm off work. I had a nice talk with Aleena standing in the bathroom after I brushed my teeth, and I went to the store and bought water and powerades, so I can start drinking and get re-hydrated. (is that a word?) Thats about it. Tomorrow, Aleena, Me, Her mom and dad are going to go to the landlord to see what we are going to do. I'll let you know how that goes. Aleenas mom is worried that we are going to end up in jail, so if I don't blog in the next 2 weeks, thats probably what happened. LOL!

Merry Christmas

Okay, so that last comment by akangel (if anyone read it) was decided because we were looking at peoples pictures and guessing what they were like. We were joking of course. We would never assume we knew something about someone by how they looked, we were just messing around. Anyways, there was a girl who had bangs (like curled right above her eyes). I said she looked nice, because she had bangs. Well,it turns out, rachel had bangs, Aleena had bangs, and all these people. They were nice (at least when they had bangs). Its like a "nice girl trademark". Anyways, since the last post didn't really say anything except that I missed Aaron, i'll update from the post before. Lets see... I talked to Aaron on thursday, and then went to sleep. I slept for about 12 or more hours. When I did get up I didn't really do anything at all. I didn't even watch my show, which is really unusual for me. I was even awake, but I was so "blah" that I forgot it was thrusday and didn't watch the OC. Oh well. I went to work and Made about 50 bucks. I got to leave ON TIME! I started my sidework early. The cook was being a dick, which is probably why I only made 50. It messed up how I was working, and it made my food take longer, and etc. I told Terrea (my manager) that I couldn't work this tuesday cause I had to pick up Aaron at the airport. I told her his flight comes in at 5 and since thats when I have to work, and we still have to pick up his bags and take him home and he would have just gotten back, etc. that I wouldn't have been able to work until later, and I didn't really want to. SHe said that was okay. After work Friday I decided not to sleep because since that was the LAST TIME I would be working graves, I wanted to reset my schedule so I would be working normal hours. I mostly just talked to Aaron on the phone, and then Rachel online. She was acting like she was on crack cause she was so Hyper. She hadn't eaten anything is why, and had Coffee. Actually a mocha sounds good. Anyways, when she got off work I asked if I could borrow her glasses cause I can't wear contacts (when I tried to put them in for work the night before I almost cried it stung so bad. She said yeah, so I met her at her house. She gave me her glasses and then a present for Xmas. It was an old Navy gift card, 3 pairs of hot underwear, and some candles. It was so so sweet of her to buy all that stuff for me. I love her so much. Anyways, we spend a LONG time goofing off, and when her dad came back to take her shopping, we kept goofing off just with him (thats when the Bangs comment got put on). We had so much fun I didn't want to leave, so I totally imposed on her and her dad and sister and went shopping. It was fun. We went to Old Navy, but she didn't find anything. We went to Mariposa but she didn't find anything there either. I found this dress I LOVE for only 50 but I thought of Aaron and thought of how I knew I shouldn't be spending money. I had been needing to go shopping, but I had the gift card, so that would cure that without spending money. :D She wanted to go home, but instead we went to sears, and she found some stuff that she was happy with (they were both looking for clothes for Christmas Eve Church). We went to dinner, than leah's wrestling meet. She left and then when we got to her car, we talked for about 3 hours. It was good to talk to her. :D I really like being there for her, and she seems to like it, although sometimes she forgets until she gets there. ;) So, I went home and it was only 1030 or so, but I was tired. I was going to go brush my teeth and wash my face, but fell asleep on my bed. Aleena came in and told me that her and felicia were just going to move back in with her mom, since they can't afford rent without me. I was supposed to talk to the landlord already but my dad said she called and said she wasn't going to be in the office Friday, so I should come talk to her Tuesday. Anyways, I went back to sleep and slept until Aaron called at 6:30. It was really nice. After we hung up, I wanted to go back to sleep but I felt really weird. I just could not sleep for some reason. I finally was able to after reading a bit. I meant to get up way earlier since i had slept already for about 8 hours, but I didn't get up until 3. I had to make it to bostons by 5. I got dressed, went to bostons and they told me that they had changed the schedule. Now its 5-10 on Friday, Saturday, Sunday. And since Denny's wants me to work 5-12 Monday Tuesday Wednesday, I will basically be working the same shift everyday but thursday (which is a good deal cause my show is on wednesday. LOL!) Anyways, I went to WalMart and got some things I needed and some xmas presents for Aaron's Sister and Mother. I went to Old Navy and bought these REALLY cute tan boots with tan fur (they match my jacket I've been wearing) and then a Pink Tshirt that i've been needing for a while. I have this cute pink sweater but it has a hole right on my chest, so I cant wear it, and I wear my other blue sweater like it with a darker blue tshirt and its really cute, so I wanted a pink one so I coudl do the same and then you can't see the hole. :D It turned out good. I came home and actually did some cleaning up and stuff. I got a little bit done (not a WHOLE bunch, but some). I really need to get to that because I want to start moving my stuff when Aaron comes back on the 27th. Maybe i'll move it all on the 29th, but even then, I still need it ALL to be packed. I also need to clean a bit. I've been spending a lot of time with A daily planner I bought back for school. I decided to start using it, but I can't until Jan 1. But I keep playing with it, like putting dates in it and stuff. I also made some New Years Resolutions. I tried to be specific. I watched a movie but otherwise I am just sitting around doing nothing because I can't sleep and I figure Aaron could call anytime and I'd rather be awake than not awake. I might sleep after he calls, but I have to go to my dads tomorrow morning to help him with his comupter. I'll try to wake up at 9:30, but its already 4:30, so I wont get 6 hours. Thats okay though cause I can sleep tonight. Its hard to get your schedule back even though I went to bed a decent hour the other night, because my body is like "SLEEP DURING THE DAY" and i'm like "NO! Bad Body!" LOL! So, I have to MAKE myself get up in the mornings, even without much sleep, so I can reset it a couple times, so it gets in my system again. On a side note, I haven't been eating much. Its not cause I'm worried about weight or money or anything. I just haven't. I eat about once a day. I don't like to make food downstairs cause we don't have a microwave anymore (its at my dads) and because everyone else is down there and its awkward. I eat out or at work or at my dads, or whatever. I have basically just had dinner every night since Wednesday or so. I'm kinda hungry right now, but everyone is downstairs. I don't have anything I can eat that I don't have to cook. Anyways, I'll just eat at my dads. I think thats about it. :D Oh, MERRY XMAS!

MontGomery Gentry "She Don't Tell Me To"

Okay, I know, its country. It just reminds me of Aaron. He doesn't like being told to do things. I don't think I make him do sweet things for me (I'll have to ask him), but he still does. I love him so much. (And I miss him right now since he's in Wisconsin.

Every now an' then, on my home,
I stop at a spot where the wild flowers grow, an' I pick a few,
'Cause she don't tell me to.
I go out with my boys all right,
But most of the time I call it a night before they do,
'Cause she don't tell me to.
Sunday mornin', I'm in church,
An' my butt an' my back an' necktie hurt, but I'm in the pew,
She don't tell me to.

Any other woman I know would have tried,
To control me and it would be over.
Plannin' on my goin' on my own way attitude.
All of that stubborness melts away,
When I wake with her head on my shoulder,
An' I know I've got to love her,
Until my life is through,
'Cause she don't tell me to.

Well, I got demons and I've got pride,
But when I'm wrong, I apologise like she's mine to lose,
'Cause she don't tell me to.
Well, I got dreams in this heart of mine,
But nothin' that I wouldn't lay aside if she asked me to.
'Cause she don't tell me to.
An' she don't even know,
That she keeps lookin' for the next right thing to do,
'Cause she don't tell me to.
Yeah, yeah.

Any other woman I know would have tried,
To control me and it would be over.
Plannin' on my goin' on my own way attitude.
And all of that stubborness melts away,
When I wake with her head on my shoulder,
An' I know I've got to love her,
Until my life is through,
What else can I do?
What else can I do?
Whoa, I love her,
'Cause she don't tell me to.
She don't tell me to.

Every now an' then, on my home,
I stop at a spot where the wild flowers grow, an' I pick a few,
Yes I do.

Really Crazy Day. (actually surprisingly good)

Okay, so this morning I posted and I was like all bummed out. I moved some of my stuff to the garage in order to move it to my dads. I was waiting for rachel to come pick me up. She got there, and we went to bring it there. While we were there I called the girl about the place i'm going to stay. We made an appointment for 5:30. Then I called the landlord. You could tell by her voice that Felicia had talked to her, and she apparently believed felicia and was suspicious of whatever I would say. I'm really not worried about it. I took a half an hour nap before rachel picked me up, only that short cause Aaron called (totally worth missing sleep). I tried the state troopers, but I got a message machine. I'll try another time maybe, depending on what the landlord says. Anyways, Rachel and I came home and there was a message from Bostons. Weird cause if you recall I went in to get a job there and they didn't need anyone. They wanted to do an interview. I'm not sure if it was because Travis (a friend) works there and told them to hire me, or if the Lady who manages at night had seen me working at Denny's and I had been her waitress and maybe she had been impressed, so she told them to hire me. He told me what hours he needed and had me fill out some papaerwork. Saturday I'm going to go get my uniform, etc. Anyways, I didn't have anything to do, and I figured felicia would be home, so I didn't want to go there, and iA only had about an hour and a half, or two hours before I had to go look at the apartment. I put oil in my car (it was below minimum) and air in my tire. I picked up my paycheck (only 80 because i'm working so few hours). Deposited it. I didn't have anything to do, so I drove to April's to see her and the kids, but no one was home. Drove back into town. When I got to the place to look at it, I was SHOCKED> The outside is SO GHETTO, like looking like those people who are "fixing their house" but for several years, and can't afford nice stuff to make it look okay in the meantime. I also know the person who lives upstairs from when I was little. Anyways, I went inside anyways, and its really nice inside. The girl is really nice, a bit of a neat freak, but really nice. It would be really cheap to live there if we had a 3rd person. I am going to talk to Rachel (or she can read this) and SERIOUSLY SUGGEST she think about it. She is always saying how she needs to get out of the house, and its really cheap. I think she could afford it, esp if her dad pitched in like he promised, but even if he didn't. So, yeah, be expecting me to contact you about it Rachel. She's even really clean, which you like. :D Anyways... So, back to my crazy day. Then, i went to my dads for dinner and had a greta time. We ate, talked, watched Beauty Shop, and Deal or No Deal (cool show! http://www.nbc.com/Deal_or_No_Deal/). I went home to get dressed for work and Denny's had called. I called them back and they want me to work Swing Shift. I would make alot more money that way. Sweet! When school starts it will change laot of things, but I will worry about that then, cause i will almost be 21. So, lets see... Yeah, and I made 70 bucks at work, and now i'm home and Aarons online and i'm talking ot him. :D

Not Sure What to Do

Okay, so I'm definatly definatly moving out. I had been thinking about trying to talk to Aleena and her sister, but thats definatly not happening. Basically, I had parked in front of the driveway because Felicia's friend parked in my spot. She got mad, and came and knocked on my door about it and sat there and screamed at me. She told me she has already called the landlord. I don't know what she said though. She cleaned her room and got rid of all the weed in there, so I can't prove she was smoking it in the house. I'm pretty sure her sister would lie for her. The only thing I have now is that she has been smoking cigarettes in the garage, (if she doesn't clean that up before the landlord sees it) and that her cat is not declawed/neutered. She said if I don't pay rent she will sue me for it, but I"m pretty sure she's too lazy to do that. Either way, i'm going to see what I can do. I"m going to call the landlord, see what she says, and call the troopers and see what they say. Rachel's going to help me get my stuff from the garage and bring it to my dads house this afternoon. Everything else is in my room, Locked. Thats the only plan I have so far. Any ideas? I don't think they can do anything by just giving her a drug test. I don't think the troopers can arrest someone on that and suspision, if they even would. So, yeah.

Moving Out

Okay, so that really was the last straw. I'm still upset, but not as raging mad as I was before. Anyways, i'll try to go in order, cause it organizes my thoughts so I don't forget anything. Thursday night at work was REALLY busy. I hate working there. I think I accidentally cashed out a walkout because my tips were way less than they should have been, because i kinda have an idea before the end of the night how much they are going to be. Thursday they were barely 10% and I know I was getting 15-20% tips. I was about 20 short. Oh well, its over and done with now. The cook was being a jerk, but he was better tonight. My manager got mad at me because I told her that I was leaving at 3:30. They schedule me until 3, but I'm basically considered at their beck and call. They usually don't let us stop taking tables until 3. Well, thats when I get off, and if its busy I don't have time to do my sidework, so I get off late. The other night I got off at 4 (an hour late) because I had to keep taking tables and then do sidework. Starting soon, I'll have a second job and I won't be able to get off that late or else I won't get enough sleep. If we are slow, then I get sent home early (even if I don't want to) and can't make enough money to pay bills. That doesn't seem fair. Either way, I was mad last night, but I told her that it wasn't her, it was just the way they do things isn't fair. I'm pretty sure, legally, I could walk out at 3, because thats when my schedule says I'm off, but they'd probably fire me. Anyways, so I called Aaron and he came over. We put a lock on my door. It made it much easier to sleep. :D I wasn't planning on locking it when I left the house really. It was more for when I'm sleeping. I woke up at about 3 or so, but I was still tired cause I only got 2 hours from the night before. I convinced Aaron to let me sleep another 15 minutes, but it ended up being a few hours. At about 6 we left to go run some errands. I had a message on my machine, and so I went to find the phone to make a phone call. It was in Felicia's room. I went to get it and on the way out I asked her to please not leave it in her room, since no one is paying for it but me and I am struggeling to pay for it and its my only phone. She was like "whatever". (We are getting to the "last straw" part). I left. We ran some errands and were headed back so I could make a phone call. I got to the house and Aleena's brother and his roommate were there (and some girl with them). I went to make a phone call and the phone was dead. I was like, dangit, its cause she left it in her room. Aaron took it and explained it wasn't dead, she had TAKEN OUT THE BATTERY. I was SO SO SO MAD! That was it. There wasn't a chance now. I'm glad i got the lock on my door now. I can't trust her not to mess with stuff when she gets mad and decides to act like a child. If I could keep the phone in my room only, I would. I asked Aleena about it, but she said she didn't know anything about it. Aaron and I left to go to chili's with Bryce and Brannon (Bryce's brother). I was REALLY REALLY mad. I called Margarets friend about a place she had, and I'm going to look at it tomorrow. Its only 250, and then I pay Internet, Cable and Phone. She pays electric. Its a really really good deal. It will be more if she cannot find another person before the 1st, but even if we split their 250, thats still 375... much less than I pay now. We ate at chilis, and then came home. Aleena asked if I was mad at her, when she got home, and I told her no, but explained that I was moving out, and I wasn't going to take her sisters shit anymore. I took all of my stuff out of everywhere else in the house so its all in my room. I told Aaron there is ALMOST nothing she could say to change my mind, short of kicking Felicia out (which won't happen). Aaron said I can't let her because if she did, I cannot trust felicia. It would mean EVERYTHING would always have to stay in my room, and I would have to lock my door all the time. I think he's right. I just hated telling aleena about it, because it becomes a problem for her. I figured it would be easy because I partially think she could have done more, but when I explained it to her, I started to feel bad. I figured it wouldn't be as hard because she hadn't been around anyways cause she was too busy with Forrest, and I figured she would be mad. Instead she just said "okay." I went to work and got off early (by choice though. Helen gave me a choice. :D) I still worked until the time that we stop taking tables, and I made $40. I need to clean up my room just a bit and then probably go to bed. I'm supposed to hang out with Nina tomorrow sometime, and Aleena sometime, and also go look at this other apartment. Aaron is going to Cantwell to go snowmachining. He leaves tuesday night for Wisconsin. :( Thats about it I think. :D

Less than 2 hours sleep

Okay, so I really do hate living here... Well, I like it, but i hate it. I came in and bryce pulled into the driveway to drop me off, and Curtis (the only friend of Felicia and Josh's that we like) WAITED to pull into the driveway to park. I have told him so many times that he can't park there. Just the other day I told him he can't. We made a deal, actually while he was sitting there, that no one could park in the driveway or in the spot next to the driveway on the fence except us three who live there. Curtis insists on parking in the driveway anyway. No matter how many times I tell him, he still does it. Usually, its not a problem for ME cause I park on the side, but if I'm not here, and he parks in the driveway, Aleena parks in my spot. Then I have to get my butt out of my car, come inside to get him to move, so she can move. Thats retarded. Even though I like him, its still dumb. Then, I walk upstairs and the ENTIRE upstairs smells like shit. OF COURSE. I say something and Josh and Curtis are like, it smells so good. Oh, and also, although Felicia didn't have enough money for rent, and aleena said she wouldn't have any money left over after paying hers and felicia's rent, they went shopping and bought not only a SHITLOAD of food, that won't last long cause all felicia's friends eat it, but stuff for the cat. I just don't understand why Aleena puts up with it. It makes no sense to me. None of the spending stuff matters to me because its not my money and I keep my food separate, so they don't eat my food... but its still kinda annoying. So, work sucked last night. We were slammed and I didn't get home until 4. I made about $80 though, which is abuot $16/Hour in tips. I have to work tonight in 40 minutes. It turned out that the "debt consolidation" people didnt' really do anything for me. They were just lowering my payments, which I didn't need. What I needed was for them to help me get current, which was going to take 3 months, while all my creditors were calling collection agencies. I'm going to cancel them tomorrow. They didn't tell me alot of stuff either, which is stupid. So, I sold back my books today and got 180. I will use that for a car payment, then aaron is going to pay my insurance, and i'll pay him back when I get my student loans. Then I need to save ALL my money after that for my phone payment and then rent. If I'm short on rent, aaron said to just tell Aleena that I'm going to be late and they can either be late, or she can help me cover it until I can afford it. Then on 1/20 I will get my student loans. With those I can pay all my loans up to current. I called all my creditors and explained that i could pay on the 20th. They said okay, or at least they were only like, it looks bad if you can't pay something now. I have given up on my credit score for now. Someday I'll get back to it. Anyways, so today was weird. I got off work and came home, exhausted. It was SO HOT AT WORK! Like 120degrees on the cooks line. I almost threw up towards the end. Got out an HOUR late. I got home and wanted to read a bit. Started reading, then got tired. I tried to go to sleep, but couldn't sleep. I was scared. I was so tired though. I finally gave up and started reading again. Then at around 7:30 this place called. I called them back. Did everything I did today with the credit stuff. Then aaron got of work at like noon. He came over and I was just SO TIRED> I told him I wanted to sleep, but couldn't cause I was scared and I wanted him to come over so I could sleep. He didn't want to sleep, but he told me that I could sleep at his place while he and his friend played games in another room, if it would make me feel safe. We went to UAF and did that stuff, and stopped by the store and bought a lock for my door, so I could sleep. I fell asleep on the way to "Camp Lakloey" where he lives. Then I got out and went straight to his room. He played video games. I think it was like 6 when we got there. I slept until about 8. Then I woke up and didn't seem very tired. I watched the OC (it was kinda lame) and then he took me home. So, I signed up for two classes. Both 6-9 on tuesday and thursday. I think it will be easier to have one session a week for each class, so that I only have to go once, cause going was my problem. THe only problem would be that THREE HOURS of class is insane. Good thing, once i"m there I won't leave. So if I can just get myself to go 2 days a week, then i'll be good. Ones Communications. The other is Anthropology. If it gets cancelled (I hope not) then I will take history, but Anthro would definatly be better. Myabe this summer i can take sociology, and by next semester I will finally be a sophmore. 2 years too late, but whatever. Anyways... I think thats everything. :D I'm off to work. :D Yay.

New Plan

Okay, so on Monday (well, more like sunday night for me) I wrote about what I was going to do about the apartment. Same plan, so far, except I might just tell them that if she doesn't stop, then I will go to the landlord. I realized that I would have alot of trouble sleeping at my dads house because I would get scared. Not from my dad, but someone else, and its a complicated situation, but those who know it, know what i"m talking about. Anyways, I kinda do want to stay here. I like it here, and I have my room all set up and it would be really complicated to find a new place a new roommate and all that. So, I will just let them know that I want her to stop, and if she says no, that I will let the landlord know why I'm moving... in which case they will probably get kicked out. I'm tired of the whole house smelling like weed. Insence doesn't cut it. The reason I do not call the police, as some suggested, is because, although aleena could forgive me for getting her and her sister kicked out, because they could go to their mom's, etc, she would NEVER forgive me if I got her sister arrested. I've decided, if its not happening in the house, than she can do whatever she wants. Okay, in other news.. I have to work tonight. :P Poopy. I don't really like my job. I hate not liking my job. I like having a job I can enjoy going to, which I've had several of. So, lets see... its gotten colder again. LAME! Its been really warm, about 20 above, for a while, and now its getting colder. Its back down to 1 below. Hopefully its goes back to warm. Aaron and I picked up my ring today. Its beautiful. I love it. I finished the first book in the Wheel of Time Series (I know I"m a dork) because Robert Jordan wrote another one, and its been so long that I don't remember most of it. :P Aleenas still at her mom's, trying to get out of there. She always wants to leave too early. Apparently, she wanted to go to Forrests, but her mom said no, and now she says shes going shopping with Felicia tomorrow and working on Friday. I hope her mom doesn't let her because she needs to get better before traipsing around. A thought though, I wonder where her sister is getting the money to go shopping when she still has to pay her sister for rent. Hmmm... I really wonder. Oh well, the took the shoe rack down, and it looks nicer, I won't argue, but I want to know where it is, because it is mine. A small, evil, part of me hopes she threw it away so she can pay me back for it. I did buy it, after all. Anyways, I want to thank the tons of people who commented on my blog defending me. It made me feel very very loved. :D Even though it doesn't upset me, it makes me feel special that it upsets others. Oh, lets see, not much else. I called some debt consolidators the other day, and I think they called back this morning. I'll call back tomorrow. I e-mailed the movie theatre, I will have to wiat for their response, but I might go over there tomorrow and see if HB's heard anything. Right now i'm only working 16 hours a week... definatly not enough. Anyways, I think thats about all to update... :D

Better Concrete Examples

Okay, so I got another comment from the same person who said I was a snob giving me better concrete examples. Thanks. :D In response, the reason I responded first, and did not delete the comment, is because I really do like to improve myself. If there is something wrong with me, I try to understand it so I can fix it. I asked a friend if he thought I was a snob, and he started going on and on and on trying to make me feel better and tell me to ignore what some stranger who doesn't know me wrote about me. I told him I wasn't upset about it. I am just trying to use it as constructive crticism. I HAVE noticed that often times when a stranger reads my blog, they find me selfcentered, but all my friends tell me that I am too nice to people and let myself get walked on. I think I figured out last time it is because in this blog, I write about myself only. Yes, this blog is about me, because thats the point of it. My whole life isn't about just me, but this, this is. THats kinda the point of a blog in my opinion. I write a little about my friends and family when something happens to them, but mostly because this is almost a description about my life. It helps me to go back and reread it to know what I was thinking at a certain time, and it lets me vent about things, in a way thats not backbiting. Anyways, in response to the "i'm too good to hang out with my mom." The thing is that anyone who doesn't know me WELL does not understand the relationship my mom and I have. I love my mom, but our relationship has been really rocky. I don't like to go into it because if she read it, she would probably cry, and why needlessly upset her when she hasn't done anything wrong recently. She may think I was mad at something she did, and then be sad, but I'm not currently mad at her. My mom actually thanked me for all the time I spent with her when she was here. She said she didn't expect as much time as I gave her. We do much better over e-mail and such anyways, because we tend to argue less. THe job situation also has information that I haven't written about on my blog. You must have gone way back to read about me quitting my other job. Actually my boss gave me a GREAT reference, as did my boss from the job I had before that. They both love me and would have me back in an instant. You can't get away from quitting jobs, unless you work at the same job forever. The reason I quit this most recent job was because I could not work in such a negative environment. My best friend works there and I can see it slowly killing her. She has so much trouble there, and is hunting for a new job, but can't seem to find one. The one I was fired from, if you ask the Owner, I think he'd say that I was a good employee. In fact, right before I left, he gave me a raise because of how dedicated I was to his business, coming in whenever they needed me and I was avaialable, covering extra shifts, etc. The woman who fired me hadn't worked with me, and before and after I got fired, everyone I talked to agreed that they also had problems with her. I heard even the owner had problems with her. I was going to quit that job, but I wanted to find a new one first. At Denny's, they must have thought that I was a good employee before because they rehired me. The movie theatre, the situation is interesting. I quit because I was going back to school. I was going to be a senior, taking calculus, and going to be on the swim team. I was not goign to have time to work that year. I was waiting until swimming started to give my 2 weeks though. Right before I was going to quit, after working there for an entire year (much longer than most of the employee's there, because the turnover rate is very high), I got 2 write ups in a week from a new manager. If no one had written me up for anything (other than miscounting a few times on my till) for that entire year, and then all of a sudden there is a new manager and they write me up twice, I think that says something. I agree with one thing that was said. I shouldn't have called in to work at my current job since I wasn't really sick. I could list all the reasons, like that they mistreat me, and that there is no way to get out of work there unless you are dying, etc. but those would just be excuses. I realized after talking to my dad, who pointed out that it wasn't right to lie to them just cause they lie to me and mistreat me. He was right. I actually have been told by all my previous bosses that I have amazing work ethic. I hate to get paid to do nothing. I think that its okay to talk and work at the same time both parties can get their work done, etc. But, for example, at the movie theatre, many people would just stand around, or go watch movies while getting paid. I refused to do that. Althouhg through this blog it seems all I have is problems with jobs, it seems that alot was missed. I have written many times about how much I loved the coffee shop while I worked there. My boyfriend would remind me that I loved my job before I'd go to work. I was constantly praising my IAB job until I started to really notice all the negativity, and backbiting, and gossip, and favoritism, etc. I liked the movie theatre while I worked there, enjoyed it. I liked my job at denny's before, and at first I really enjoyed it, but then started to have problems with being mistreated. The current boss is another that everyone is having problems with. Anyways, I guess in conclusion, I do have many many problems, I will not deny that. I just really don't think that being a selfish snob is one of them. Rachel, who reads my blog, will tell you how many times I've been there for her. My best friend Aleena, I believe would tell you how much I've been there for her. My boyfriend actually gets mad at me because i keep letting people walk on me. I let my roommate take advantage of me (although that has stopped) and others. I guess I take more stock in what they, and others I know, thinkg because they actually know me, as apposed to someone who has read my blog. I do appreciate the conversation though, and I do really try to read it with an open mind, but I guess in the end its something that I just don't agree with. I do thank you for commenting and trying to help me. I really do apreciate it, even if you may not think I do. I am curious what brought you to my blog in the first place, where you started. Anyways, thats all for today folks. :D I welcome the comments. :D

Apartment Situation

So, i think I've made a decision. When Aleena is better, I will explain to her that I cannot handle people smoking weed in the house. I want to talk to her before her sister, because its easier to talk to her, and I know it bothers her too, but she just doesn't do anything about it. I will let her know how much it bothers me, and tell her that if her sister insists on doing it in the house, then they can either pay my part of the rent, or find another roommate. I feel really bad about it, but it is really not fair. When I first moved in I figured it was not a big deal because it was just in her room, and so it wouldn't bother me or anything. For a while it was downstairs too, but I talked to her about it and she doesn't anymore. Now I'm realizing that I hide in my room most ofthe time because of it. Like, for example, right now I have to go to the bathroom, but I don't want to leave the room because the entire upstairs hallway smells so bad. It gets in to my room. They hotboxed Aleena's cat and then because I've been taking care of him, and he knows I love him and he was scared, he ran to my room, pawing on the door. I let him in, and realized his fur smelled like weed, really really bad, so I had to put him out. I felt bad cause he kept pawing at the door to get in cause he wanted me, but I don't want my room to smell like that, it makes me sick. Anyways, I want to wait until Aleena is better though, because if Felicia decided she wants to keep smoking weed in the house, then I want Aleena to be better to deal with that. Anyways, enough bitching I guess. Okay, so I am working at denny's again. Hopefully only 11-3 every night so I can get another full time job. I want to work full time at the theatre, but first I have to write an e-mail to a few people in Tennessee explaining to them why I quit last time, and why I was on HR review. So, that is the plan. Anyways, so I still hate my boss at Denny's, but I didn't have to talk to her. I talked to another manager instead, and she is really nice. I went to Chena Hot Springs saturday, and it was fun there but the ride there and back was kinda boring. Yeah, I can't think of much else important to say. Oh, wait, Yeah I can. Aleena was in the hospital a week or so ago for surgery on her tonsils. Aaron and I went to visit her there, then I went to her houes to visit her. She had come home and told me she would be home, but I had to work that night. She was supposed to go watch a couple videos with forrest, but promised she'd be back. I got back from work and she wasn't there. I called her but she didn't answer. I figured she was at forrests. Turns out she was, but later that morning she was throwing up blood and had to go back to the hospital to get the surgery re-done. She is there overnight to make sure she is okay. Then she's going back to her moms for at least 10 days. I hope she is okay. It was a little upsetting because I'm worried about her, but it appears she does not need me. Forrest was there at the hospital, laying in her bed with her. He was there at her house, sitting next to her. Whenever I'd visit, she would barely acknowledge me. She was too busy with Forrest. When she came home, she was supposed to go to the hockey game with Forrest, but he cancelled on her, after she argued with her mom forever to be able to get out of the house. I told her I'd go with her, but she didn't actually want to go, she was just going cause he wanted to. Its sad that she would go do that just for him when she is so sick. Maybe thats why she didn't get better, cause she went Saturday instead. Maybe she cheered and tore open the stiches, etc. I don't know. But I am pretty sure if she had stayed home, she would have been okay. So, I told her mom I would do anything I could to help, like bring her stuff to her. Her sister is doing that. When her sister came home, she was on the phone with her mom, speakerphone, and her mom asked if she wanted to talk to Aleena. She did, and when aleena asked if it was just her and josh there, she said yes (not true, I was right behind her talking to josh) and I told felicia to tell her I said hi, and felicia just said goodbye and hung up. I realized that she didn't need me. She has Forrest now, and she's always had her sister. Anyways, I know this is depressing, but I'll get over it I guess. Oh well, I'll keep people updated on how she is doing. Rachel is right about the police thing. I'm not sure if it is illegal because theres this law about it being in your own house, etc. It definaley is against the lease, so I'm trying to figture it out. I"m in a position where its hard for me to do anything. I'm trying though.

Idiots

So, I was wondering why I wasn't getting any calls for the past couple days. Whenever I'd come home, I"d check the caller ID and there wouldn't be any missed calls. Usually there are at least one or two or something. So, it turns out my roommates fiance/boyfriend/friend whatever he is FORWARDED my phone to HIS phone! The phone that I am struggling to pay, the phone that no one else puts a dime into, the phone that my roommate already basically took over during the week or so that her cell phone was down. The phone that I try to leave in my room at night, but she comes and takes it as soon as she would realize it was gone, sleep with it, and then leave it downstairs where I can't hear it. You can't just forward a phone on accident. Its not something that the phone randomly does itself. So, now, I have no idea if anyone has called me because he's an idiot and wouldn't remember if they did. ARG! Anyways, I ran off without finishing yesterday because Aaron came to pick me up and we had to be somewhere. So, now I don't remember what I did all night. :P My roommates were partying, I remember that, because they partied again last night. I noticed as soon as Aleena left, they started partying and haven't stopped since. I hate all these kids they party with. We come downstairs for a second, and get bombarded about questions about if we do crack or drink, etc. and then one guy threatens to cut the lock off my Aaron's snowmachine and steal it. They just basically go around making this HUGE mess and being loud and stuff in my apartment. I thought they were going to steal stuff or break something the whole night. I'm pretty sure they were about to smoke weed downstairs, so we went downstairs to make some food and Josh asked me if I had a lighter, which I don't cause i gave my only one to them, realized they were smoking weed with it, so I didn't want it back cause it would smell bad. I remminded them they weren't allowed to smoke weed downstairs and they assured me they wouldn't. I decided that if it happens again, I will tell them that she getsw one more chance before I move out and they can pay for my part of the rent. I will tell them the same thing if they get a dog. Anyways, on a lighter note, its getting really warm outside. Its been nice. My eye is messed up and hurting so i'm trying not to wear my contacts as much until it gets better. I haven't heard from the movie theatre, but then again, maybe they called and Josh is an idiot. Oh well, i'll stop by the theatre and talk to HB. Oh, and yesterday I went to talk to Cate because she was back at work. She was in a meeting so everyone said to wait until she got out. I waited for an hour, because they got out late. Finally, they got out and everyone kept coming out, so I was waiting for Cate to come out. She didn't, so I went back there. She freaked out and told me that NO ONE who was off the clock was allowed in the back (I don't know how i'm supposed to check my schedule, talk to a manager, or clock on even for that matter because they are all in the back) and then told that I have to make an appointment to talk to cate. THat has never been the rule. THEN, I asked if I could make an appointment for later, and she told me I would have to CALL to make an appointment and I had to call before 11 (but she doesn't get there until 9 or so) or after 1 (except today I was there after 1 and she was too busy). So she couldn't make me an appointment because she didn't have her schedule, but she knew she was busy tomorrow. I HATE her. I decided that it was bullshit and I refuse to go back.

I wish people would be more descriptive

I try to be open to feedback, I really do. I"m not sure if I am good at it, but I do try. Anyways... someone left an anonymous comment saying I was a snob. I would really like to hear more about why. I need some concrete examples to understand where they get that. I don't know if they plan on reading this ever again, but if they do, I'd really appreciate the concrete examples. I think it is possible that it could have been someone who contacted me on Yahoo. I often have people contact me on Yahoo who I don't know and want to become best friends, or date me. Thats not happening. I have made a few friends online, but that was very few out of the majority that talk to me, and i don't really talk to them anymore because I don't really know anything about them or who they are. Most people have encouraged me to not reply to people I don't know. Recently I have stopped because of all this. Part of me feels bad about hurting people's feelings, but not all of me. Anyways, that may have been a waste because maybe it had nothing to do with that. Anyways, if that person is still reading, then I would appreciate some concrete examples, if not, nevermind. I'm not really sure I believe in Karma, and I really don't mind Drama. I actually have found a job and might eventaully become a manager. Anyways, enough about the being a snob thing. So, Monday night I don't even remember what I did. Probably sat around doing nothing. Yeah, that was it, sat around doing nothing. LOL! Tuesday I went to Boston's, and the lady said she didn't need anything during the day. I went to the movie theatre and my old manager just took my name, SS# and phone number to call about rehiring me. He also told me that they are looking for some managers. I know that he loves me, which means that I'll basically almost definatly get the job, and maybe manager, which would be sweet cause I could quit denny's. Gotta go, blog more later.

Funny, I Can't Seem to Read My Own Blog

Okay, so since this has to be quick and I don't remember what I wrote last, I'll just tell you about the last couple days. So, I redecorated my room. I think it was the day before yesterday. I really like it now. Aaron helped me out, and now it looks better, even when its messy, and I have a desk for my computer (also known as my bedside table) and I have my movies all upstairs, and remotes so we don't have to get up to change the channel or the volume. Yesterday we went to go pick up the Topper for Aaron's truck, and he didn't have the clamps to clamp it on. He ended up propping it half on half off the truck bed and putting a board to make it not fall. He was so worried the whole time it would fall off and shatter. Finally, we got to Wal-Mart (who doesn't sell clamps, which is dumb) and bought wrachet straps. We strapped it down. We went to Fred Meyers and he bought me this really nice ring for Christmas, but its getting sized. Then we went to go get something to eat after hanging out at my house for a while. It turns out somethings wrong with my car... yay, another thing I can't fix. ALso, I applied to bostons and have to go in on tuesday to talk to them. And Denny's took me off the schedule because they are dumb, so I have to talk to the lady on wednesday to start working again. I'm going to work Denny's Part time (11-3) Hopefully, and then Bostons during the daytime.

Job Hunting

Okay, so Monday I went job hunting (YAY). It didn't really turn out great (boo). I found some jobs I wanted, mostly from the FDNM and http://www.jobs.state.ak.us and some I didn't. There is one at C&R Pipe, which would be awesome cause it was an office job, which I like to do, but because it is a small pipe and steel company, I have the feeling I could dress casual and the environment would be casual. I've really enjoyed learning about construction stuff from aaron. This would be kinda the same. Anyways, there was a secretary job at the Effie Kokrine Charter School (anyone know where that is? LOL!) but I doubt I'll get it. There was a lady turning in an app, and she looked all kindergarden receptionist like.. and I realized that maybe thats why i'm not getting the jobs I want, that people that have been adults for a while are applying for the same jobs, and so they are getting them instead of me, a new adult. LOL! So, another job was an office assistant at a Law Firm. That one would be okay (its just in someones house kinda) but I don't know if i"ll get that either. I looked at some waitress positions too, but I would rather not waitress. I stopped by Fairbanks Memorial Hospital to see Carla Archer (a family friend who my Uncle who works at FMH suggested i talk to) but she was in a meeting. My uncle wasn't busy so I chatted with him a bit. I got a paper with a website on it to look for jobs online. I stopped by some banks, but I don't think I filled out any applications because they were either part time or I had to do it online or something like that. I hadn't slept yet, so as SOON as I got home I went to sleep. I sletp until late, then called into work. I wouldn't have done that, but aaron was willing to pay me $100 to stay home (about what I would have made if I went). I didn't want to go to work anyways. I didn't have to work tuesday night because they hired another girl. So I had Tuesday Night off, Wednesday and Thursday night off like usual. I also didn't work Saturday and Sunday night I only worked for a few hours. My paycheck for that week is going to be HORRIBLE. So, Denny's cut back on my hours (poo on them) so now I"m only working 2 8 hour days (16 hours) and then 2 4.5 hour days (9 hours), which means that i'm only working 25 hours a week. Thats lame. Before I was working 2 4.5 hours (9 Hours) and 3 8 hours (24 hours) so that was at least 33 hours. I can't live of 25 hours a week. Anyways... Tuesday I slept. I was supposed to get up and go to FMH, but I didn't because I didn't wake up in time. Tuesday night Aaron and I got into a fight, and I was mad at him, but started crying because he was mad at me. I went into the lobby to wait for him (he's living at his work, so its like his entry way or living room I guess) and was crying and he came out and we were leaving there for him to take me home. We pulled up to turn onto the highway and he tapped me. I just started bawling and hugging him (normal for me recently cause i"m a dork. LOL!). I realized he was crying (he's only cried once beforein front of me) and he told me he was sorry and not to be mad at him. I told him I loved him and I wasn't mad, and it would be okay. When he felt better we drove to my house. He asked if he could come in to talk to me more. We were upstairs in my room and I was listing all the wonderful things he does that makes him a good boyfriend (because he was upset that he treated me bad). As I was trying to cheer him up, and I told him I loved him some more, this is what happened
"you know what?"
"what?"
"I love you too."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I wanted to tell you before but I just couldn't"
"Yeah, I knew you did"
So, yeah, I was really excited because he had never told me he loved me and he's never told another girl (besides family, etc.) that he loved them. Anyways, he really does brighten up my day. Today I went to ACS to go pay $20 on my phone bill so I can pay the rest later. I spent time the other day setting up payment plans with alot of my debtors. I need to call a few more. Rachel stopped by on tuesday too. That was nice. I also had breakfast with her on Monday. We had SO MUCH FUN! I miss rachel. Its been nice seeing her more. :D Anyways, so tomorrow I'm going to TRY to clean my room, but we'll have to see how that goes. I always say that. I want to stop by FMH to try to talk to Carla again. I just applied online for 2 postions there, admin assistant and radiology receptionist. I also applied for a bookkeeping/accountant thing (but its entry level, and supervised, so a really good way to get into accounting). I e-mailed them my resume with a letter explaining how much I'd love the job. I tried to be professional, but also sound eager. :D Hope if worked. That would be perfect. I also may register for classes tomorrow (probably). I know Micah and Erynn insisted its a bad idea, but I think I can handle 2 classes and I really want to continue school. I keep thinking I want to at least take some accounting classes and learn something. So, I may go to Krisin's wedding tomorrow (see her blog in my links section). I haven't seen her baby that she just had. I might just stop by though cause I have nothing to wear and I"m not sure if i'm invited, etc. (Ruhi and April said I was, its at their house). Umm... and yeah, i'm watching the OC tomorrow. LOL! Oh, and when I went job hunting I visited my Foster Sister from way back. I always remember her waking up when she was like 16 (and i must have been like 7 or 8 or something (really young) and getting ready (curling her hair, doing her makeup, choosing her clothes). It always seemed so glamorous and I LOVED watching her. Anyways.... thats it for now.