Finally, a much deserved day of rest

So, since I posted on monday, lets see. I was awake all day, and I had some errands to run. I went to ACS, Allstate, the store to buy new work pants (really cute ones), Sunshine sewing to fix my old work pants, and the bank to deposit my tips. I felt very productive. By the time I was done, it was about time Aaron is USUALLY off work. I drove to see if he was home, and his rental truck was there. BTW, it actually is a silverado, I could have sworn it said S-10, so its exactly the same style as his. I went inside to see him, and no one was home. I tip-toed out, and decided to go to April's house. She and ruhi were not home, just Amin. I used their phone to call Aaron and let him know the door was unlocked. He was still working. Sadface. I drove home because I had no one else ot visit. I miss rachel. :(

I went to work and it was REALLY dead. I got sent home pretty early. That was nice. Tuesday I worked in the morning for 3 hrs and 45 minutes, and I had to come back to work. When I got home, I broke the key off in my door, so I had to call a locksmith, and get the key out and get new keys. When I got back to work I saw I was the closer, so I had to be off the clock at 10:15 or else I'd get overtime, and that was with a break. They said to come back at 6 and clock in. That made 10:45. So, during the shift I got about 15 phone calls. I NEVER get calls, but people were calling me all day. I was supposed to babysit Ruhi after I got off work, so April called about that, then my dad called and told me sigourney had been in an accident. She had fallen off her bike and had bleeding in her brain and bruising on her brain, etc. They took a med-i-vac to anchorage, but only her mom could go, so my sweet dad bought her family plane tickets to go there too.

So, then Aaron called to say hi since he hadn't before work. Then my dad called back letting me know more about sigourney. Then I wasn't sure if I was going to have to babysit because April and Amin were at the hospital with them. Ruhi called, and told me I didn't have to, but with her track record recently, I wanted to hear it from April. Then April called to tell me I didn't have to babysit, then Aaron called to call me back after I called him on break. :P Anyways, everything was okay, besides worrying about sigourney, until I went to cashout. I flew through my sidework so Iwould be off on time, and Lisa was still there, which I felt bad about. I went to cashout, and I owed 128, and only had 73. I freaked out. I was missing credit card slips too. I looked all over the restaurant and couldn't find them. I had to withdraw money from the ATM and take money from my wallet to pay for it. I was trying not to cry because it was just money, but I couldn't help it (the crying all the time). April and Ruhi and Amin were there, and I went to sit with them, and cried to them. Troy gave me back my tipouts too, which was nice of him. Angie asked me if i had cashed out that morning, and I told her yes. Turns out I had cashed the morning out twice, and I cashed out 115 that morning.

Wednesday, before work in the morning, Nora found my cashout, and gave me back the money I was supposed to get back. I think all in all, I only got about a couple dollars taken, because people kept rounding things, and 2.50 from the ATM from withdrawing money. I was happy to have it back, even though it wasn't a big deal anymore. THey fixed my time so I didn't get overtime the day before, and I only made $25, even though I made more than 15%. It was slow. Then I got off work and asked if I could talk to april for advice. She said yes, and i could bring over laundry too. I had errands, like the store, home to get laundry, and sunshine sewing to pick up my pants. I dropped off my other stuff too. :D

I had alot of fun at Aprils. I talked to her for a while, and I love talking to her. I brought M&M's so we had candy too. Ben called and I decided to ask Aaron if he wanted to go get ben. After a long conversation to get Aaron to decide BEFORE I got to his house, he said sure. We went to get ben, went to C&J's for dinner, then stopped by so ben could see his family, because he's working on CHS rd. It was alot of fun, but we left REALLY late and Aaron had to work the next morning. :P I felt a little bad. I took out my contacts before we went to pick up ben, adn was wearing Aaron's glasses. He has -1 vision. I have -2.75. So I wear his glasses I see -1.75, which is worse than him without anything. He drove back from CHS rd because I was doing a bad job driving. We picked up his truck and drove it for the rest of the night.

Today it was nice to sleep in. I slept all morning until about 3:30. I havne't gotten to do that since this weekend or something. I work Friday, Saturday and Sunday night. I get paid Friday afternoon. YAY! I owe rent on Monday, which I definatly have enough for. I have lots of stuff to do, and I think I'll do it all Monday maybe. I will pay rent, forward my mail, pay Insurce (if I get the bill anytime soon), job hunt, clean up my room, pack a little bit more, call ACS about turning my phone into a message phone on the 12th. I might even be able to pay my dad back monday too. :DnOh, and another side note, Erynn and Jonathan are going to be in town Friday night, LATE. If I'm off work, I'll go to the airport. If not, then I will see them another time. It will be nice to see them. :D

So, still happy, i'm still burnt out from work, but this day off should help a little. Closing EVERY day this week so far has sucked, adn doesn't look better for the weekend, but I will make more money then. :D

Another Response

So, I got another comment. Other than these comments, I don't really post about this anymore, so i hope it doesn't count towards my "negative points" LOL! Here's the most recent comment.

SOOO, talking to your friends and writing on your blog which are public accessable you call that not backbiting. Do you ever think that Travis tells his girlfriend everthing that is going on at work. And the fact that you aren't friends with him because you think he is a liar, because maybe somebody said something and you took it out of context.Also Kim said you said that Karrina was just an was not a good friend. I'm thinking you don't believe that anything thats really goign on at work. So until you are talking about yourself and not so called backbitting on your blog you should keep your mouth shut about other peoples buisness. If it has nothing to do with you.

Anyways, as I said in my previous response, I TRY not to backbite, but am not perfect, and have made mistakes. I don't consider my blog backbiting. I need a place to vent, and like 5 people read it. When I talk to my friends about it, its often I need advice about whether I should tell Karrina, or how I should handle it. It doesn't matter if Travis tells his girlfriend everything that goes on at work. If he keeps it from her or tells her wouldn't change my position, and wouldn't influence whether I decided to tell her. I mentioned previously that he had lied before that, and was feeling more and more like I couldn't trust him, and the things said at work were just the icing on the cake. I don't remember telling Kym that Karrina was not a good friend. I said that we weren't very close, so I didn't know if she would get mad at me, or believe me. I actually do believe the things people say at work, because the only person I have saying that its not true, is travis, who I don't trust. Thats the problem with trust, once its gone, its very hard to get back, and the way he was/is going about it, is definatly not convincing me. Anyways, I don't really handle demands well. It is my blog, I have the option of writing whatever I want. If I wanted to write about everyone elses business, I could. I have chosen not to update about this in a while. I have only updated about the things that related directly to me, such as getting yelled at by Travis, or responding to comments on my blog.

Tired, and Burnt Out

So, I am still a pretty happy camper, besides work burning me out. Saturday night I made pretty good money, and got off at like 1:30 in the morning. I was SO tired, I picked up Aaron and went straight home, to bed. I slept in until noon. It was nice. I don't get alot of sleep recently. :( I keep getting kept up right as I'm going to sleep by something or another, or I'm getting woken up early to do something. Sunday, after sleeping in, Aaron and I went to eat, and to the store. We had nothing to do, so we went and I got ice cream at my supervisors shop at Alaskaland (Pioneer Park). Then we walked through to the backside, and I asked someone when the Red Green Regatta was, because Aaron wanted to see it. It turned out we had missed it. It started at 11 and had just finished. The person I happened to ask was my childhood friend and upstairs neighbor's mom. She asked how my mom was doing, and my dad. After that I took Aaron home and went to work. I was early, so I bought new pens, and they work really well. I even got some that are MY pens, that I refuse to give out for credit card slips and such. I got off around 11, got gas and went to Aaron's. I had to take him home this morning to get his truck to bring it to Chaz. They got him a rental, but he asked for a full size so he could still put his 4-wheeler in it, and they gave him an S-10. Its cute though. (cough, I mean rugged and manly) So, I've just been happy, every day is one step closer to Anchorage, and no matter how annoying my roommate is, or how annoying the cooks at work are, I am just happy that I am finally going to be in Anchorage soon. :D Oh, and work has been so much more fun now that My dad and Kayla visited yesterday, and April, Amin and Kayla visted Saturday. :D

What a fun day, but oh so tired!

So, since I was up until 4 am listening to drunk people running around and talking loudly, I was pretty tired when Aaron called me at 9am to go to the Auction. The Auction is what he and bryce have been working on at work for the past couple weeks. There was a guy who died, and they have been cleaning up his house, so they can renovate it. They found a bunch of sweet junk that they were allowed to keep, but whatever was actually worth something, they put up for auction. Thursday evening bryce had a BBQ for dinner, and it was me, him, and Aaron. Aaron's boss was there when we got there, but left almost right away. I had never met him, so that was nice. He seems really nice.

So, we went to the Auction. Bryce's family was there, and me and Aaron, and their boss and supervisor and the lawyer they all know. Bryce's brother Brannon is back in town so he was there too. We had fun. Aaron was going to bid on this wheelchair because he wanted it to play around in, but his boss bid on it first, and so Aaron didn't want to bid against him, and it went for way more than Aaron wanted to pay. Then, he was going to get a TV, but his boss also bid on that, so he didn't get that either. It was really funny. Bryce was going to try for this truck, but it went for really expensive.

After we were bored of the Auction, Aaron, me, Brannon and Nathan went to Chena Lakes. It was tons of fun. We played in the water, I acctually went almost ALL the way in... I just didn't get my head wet. This random kid started trying ot play with the boys, which always seems to happen at lakes and pools. :P We buried Nathan with sand and sat in the sun for a while. It was a total blast, although short. Now, I have to work in an hour, but I'm waiting for steph to be done with the shower. I think she's almost done. She is really sweet and offered to let me go first, but I would hate if she was late for her thing if I took to long. :P Anyways, I really wish I didn't have to work because i want to sleep more than anything, but I have to close again tonight, so I will be there unil 1 am again. So so Sleepy!

Still doing okay

So, I guess the only thing I have to post about is mostly packing. I have packed most of my furniture and things in my room. Alot of my stuff I need day to day is in suitcases. The stuff I packed, furniture and other stuff, is in Aaron's trailor. I'm so excited. Every single day I can't wait to be in Anchorage. I'm excited, and tired of fairbanks at the same time, all the drama. I can't wait to get an office job. I can't wait to be off my feet most of the day, and get to wear something different every day instead of the same uniform all the time!

I only have one short negative thing, and its more to mention, and not to dwell on. Travis freaked out at me the other day, and yelled at me at work for about 10 minutes, although at the very beginning of the conversation I told him I had to get back to work. My boss walked by at the end of the conversation, and she got mad at me for being in the way, but I think she was more mad that I wasn't working. So, not only did it get me in trouble, but it made me really mad, and since I cry all the time for no reason, I cried the entire way home and at Aaron's house for a while. I wasn't really hurt by anything he said, but I think irritated that he's causing everyone all this trouble and theres nothing we can do about it because Lori doesn't care enough.

Anyways, I'm ready to go to bed, but can't because my roommate is in the living room with her friends, and they are all drunk and being really loud. I do find it intersting that if I were to come in quite as a mouse and wake her up, she would be steaming, but being drunk yelling and being loud is apparently okay. Well, I guess thats a little negative. Sorry. :( On the postivive, I've started making 50-100 a day again. For a while I was making like 30 or something, which was sucking, but now I'm making big bucks again, so I can save some money. I made 112 today. :D

Response to a Comment

I try to respond to comments on my blog. SOmeone posted a comment on one of my posts (not sure which, this

"You do not menchine if you've asked travis to his face if he's said those things to those girls. Gossip is transformed and mixed up when passed on through people. Remember that. so ask the horses mouth before you start talking about people. You are a Baha'i and what i read is that your backbitting and that is againt the baha'i law. Also you say your karrrina's friend but you arn't if you don't tell her."

So, I figured I'd respond to that. I thought I did mention that after I heard the VERY first thing about him, I had a talk with him, during which he never outright denied anything, just vaugly made it sound like everyone was lying about him. The only time it works to "ask the horses mouth" is when you feel that you can trust what that person has to say. I didn't feel I could trust him before I heard anything, and so if I did ask him, it might not have done any good because the trust wasn't there, which is why we aren't friends anymore, there is no trust. I don't know if I mentioned before, but when I did go support a girl feeling sexually harassed, and we were in lori's office, I asked her if he ever mentioned anything about a guy who grabbed my ass, because I had asked him to talk to her, as the manager he told me he was/was going to be, which also wasn't true. He had said he had told her twice, and he hadn't. This also didn't help me trust him.

Most of the part that could be considered gossip would be what was said on this blog, and thats more a journal for myself. Mostly, after the first day or two, I tried not to gossip. I listened to what the girls told me, and when it became serious, I said I would support them telling our boss. I didn't go running around telling everyone I knew about the whole situation. When people would ask why we weren't friends anymore, I tried to mostly say that I couldn't trust him because he was lying to me and others. I'm not saying i'm perfect and NEVER gossiped, or backbited, but I did try my hardest not to.

In regards to not telling Karrina. That was a tough issue. I had almost EVERYONE I know, when I mentioned it for advice, tell me not to tell her because they said it wasn't my business. They also said I didn't have proof, and so I shouldn't tell her, and as the commenter said themselves, it would have been gossip and backbiting. I was slightly torn though because I do consider her a friend, and felt she had a right to know, but at the same time, I was worried that all it would do was make her mad at me, and that she would not believe me. I was still in the process of deciding what I was going to do, and everytime I thought about doing it, I was told by several people not to say anything, and it made me go back and ponder whether it was a good idea.

Anyways, thats prety much everything. i do not feel bad for what I did. The only part I feel bad for is if I did accidently backbite to people not involded about the whole situation, which wasn't often, but sometimes. I will say I was trying my hardest not to, and sometimes I make mistakes. That is the only part I feel bad about. I will NEVER feel bad about supporting a girl saying she has been sexually harassed. Even if it turns out to be a lie, because at least the girl then knows that if it ever really happens, she can come forward because she felt supported at one time. When I did support her, almost all of what I did was standing there, encouraging her to tell our boss what happened. I feel good about doing that. :D

I wonder if thats why?

So, I've had a few people complaining that I have been really negative in general. I get angry about stupid little things. I know Aaron was concerned, as well as my parents. I still keep my stand on my blog, that my blog is not as negative as one or two people have said. They are just choosing to pick out the negativity, and focus on that. But, I have admitted to Aaron that I am alot more angry than I used to be. I used to think it is because my roommate is really negative and it was a bad influence on me. Her blog is constantly angry about someone or something, and in person she was constantly mad at someone for something they had done, etc. Sometimes it was me, sometimes it wasn't.

Anyways, I thought about it a little and was talking to Aaron this morning. I realized that the way I was raised was to deal with an issue when it arose, whether talking, discussing, arguing, whatever. When there is an issue that was bothering me, we talked it out, so I never really held anger in. I started to with my mom because we would get into fights, and I couldn't win, so i just gave up mostly. Every now and then I'd try, because arguing didn't really get any consequences, besides almost crashing. That was how I was raised. I have always dealt with the issues that bothered me, even with my bosses. It was better then being angry and hiding it, and stuffing it down until I was just unhappy.

So, this morning I realized that with Jackie, thats what was happening. She would get angry about things, and write nasty notes to me, or say hateful things about me, etc. I let the little things go, like I always have, at first. Eventually, something would be a bit too much for me. I would write her a nice note letting her know that I was bothered by something. Her comeback was always a hateful comeback, with the option that I "could move out" if I didn't like it. She mad the decisions without any thought to anyone but herself, and then if I tried to respond, I felt that I wasn't welcome here, and she might kick me out.

So, what did I do in response? I started pretending that it didn't bother me. I would be steaming about something and I would just ignore her. She would make up some random, unfounded rule, and I would just follow the rule, and inside be fuming. I guess thats what its like for those "males" that bottle up their anger, etc. So, now that she has given me 30 days notice, there isn't really the threat of kicking me out to hang over me. The worst that she can do is be mad at me, which won't bother me in the slightest since I have spent so much time being mad at her and having nothing I can do.

She can do childish things, such as play her music loudly when I want to sleep, but then I can do the same right back at her. If I don't want her to touch my expensive things because of the recklessness she showed with the truck, she can not allow me to use her silverware, which doesn't matter, because I will just buy my own. So, now its just this neither of us caring about what the other is feeling, because theres no trust. It really sucks that she had to lie about something like that, because now I don't trust her with anything.

I can't remember every lying to her about anything. If Aaron stayed the night more than 3 nights, I explained to her after the 4th what the reason was, such as his truck was broken and he needed my car (not that she cared). I feel bad for people like steph, who don't really know what she's like, and in turn will have to put up with the same thing as me sometime down the road. I kinda wish I had gotten some kind of warning, but steph already knows how she is treating me, and apparently just hopes it won't happen to her.

Anyways, the whole point is that I have figured out why I was angry all the time (I think). Now, I can prevent that by letting it out when I am angry at her. So, this morning when she moved my stereo without talking to me, and its an expensive stereo, I messaged her when I got home, asking her not to touch my things because I honestly don't trust her not to damage it, and if she did damage it, I can't trust that she will tell me or fix it. Thats where the "I'm not allowed to use the silverware" comes in. Its her way of getting back at me. (oh, that hurts. :P)

Either way, since she has made my life a living hell on and off for the past several months, without any regard for how I felt or what I wanted, I don't feel any need to have any regard for how she feels, or what she wants. Everything I own, besides my car and food, is locked in my room. Without breaking the lock, she can't do anything to me, just little passive aggressive crap, that doesn't even bother me. :P

Anyways, so enough of that. I probably won't blog much about Jackie anymore, because theres nothing she can do to me, and I just will do what I want/need to do, so, theres nothing to talk about, and I can guarentee that we won't be "chatting" it up before I leave. So, the rest of my blog will be mostly positive, because I"m pretty sure more than half of the negative stuff related to her.

Positive note 1. I'm working 7 shifts this week (or was scheduled for that many). I was really tired this morning because I was up early, went to go to bed, couldn't sleep, went to work and then didn't have to because it was raining, so I went home to take a nap. I couldn't take a nap because it was too loud in the house, but i'll just sleep later. My only full day off is Thursday. I had last night off, because I worked the dayshift, but that was pretty cool to have a night off. I made $100 Monday night and $50 tuesday daytime. Recently I haven't been making nearly that much, so its getting better.

Positive note 2. I got accepted to the OTHER apartment complex that I applied to. Basically, whatever job I get will determine what place I live in. I would rather stay in Alpine apartments, but because they are so expensive, I don't know that I can afford them. I really hope I can. They are in a nicer neighborhood and have a gated community, etc. So, thats my plan, if I can afford it, but it is nice to know that if I can't afford it, I have another place to fall back on. I did apply for that job at Alpine. Its a leasing consultant, same kinda of thing that the girl whose trying to get me to rent there does.

Positive note 3. I got a phone call the other day from a staffing agency. They saw my resume on Anchorage Daily News and apparently really liked it. They said if I hadn't found a job by the time I got to Anchorage, they would find me an Admin job right away. Thats good news. If someone liked my Resume so much that they would call me long distance to try to find me a job, then hopefully i can get a good job no matter what. :D

Positive note 4. Aaron's stuch a sweetheart, still. We have been getting really bored though, because there is not much to do. We mostly just watch alot of Movies/TV. We rented two DVD's of just shoot me. We haven't finished them yet, but its a really funny show, and I LOVE watching it and cuddling with him. :P He finally got on myspace, and already has 15 friends on there, mostly from texas. He put pictures of his 4-wheeler, snowmachine, truck and the dent in his truck. Even though he SAYS he hates it, he spends quite a bit of time on myspace. LOL!

Positive note 5. I was going to stay with my dad the two weeks after I leave here. I talked to April the other day and she said it may be possible for me to stay with her instead. I would enjoy that more, because i would get to spend time with the kids and her and amin alot, and i would be really close to Aaron's house, and I wouldn't have to worry about my brother stopping by. Its only two weeks and then I'm off to anchorage! (I can't wait!!)

Positive note 6. I messaged Travis yesterday and had asked when he's going to be back, because I wanted to see him before I left for anchorage. Turns out he will be here before I leave AND he will be going to anchorage in the beginning of september, so he said we can hang out then too. I'm really excited about seeing him and Caleb and Aaron (those are his other two friends who came in the coffee shop). I can't wait till he gets here.

Positive note 7. Golden days starts today, the parade is probably saturday, and I don't work until the nighttime on saturday, so I want to go to that. The Fair is almost here, and I can't wait for that either. I'm glad mostly because Aaron and I have been getting bored with nothing to do, but if the fairs in town, and Golden Days, etc, then we will have tons to do! I cannot spend alot of money, so I might just buy a season pass for the fair, and not really eat there or ride rides, unless someone else pays, or I may not buy a season pass at all, and I may just go once or twice.

Positive note 8. Almost a month until I leave! I can't wait until I am in Anchorage. I hate this waiting! I am going to try to pay my dad back before I leave, if I can. I can't wait to mee his family, and both his parents said they couldn't wait to meet me. :D

So, in summary, I believe that was 8 positive notes and 1 (long) negative one. There are so many happy things going on in my life, mostly moving to Anchorage, and they've been covered up by this anger I've been keeping inside all the time. I'm finally able to let that anger out, so I can relish in the happy things!

Am I allowed to talk about it now?

Anyways, I just wanted to update everyone on my current situation. I will try to be as positive as possible, although it will be hard. I may not say much, just so I don't spend the entire blog ranting about what upset me. Anyways, to start the whole story off as it unfolded

7/10 Monday: Aaron came over so I could cook him dinner before work. About the same time he got there, all my roommates left the house. That was kinda nice. I was able to cook him dinner and spend time in the kitchen without a bunch of people around. I cooked him spaghetti. It was yummy, he said so too. Before I started cooking, he looked out the window to see if everyone was gone. He noticed that my roommate Jackie had backed out, stopped and was waiting for something. Eventually she left. We cooked dinner, I went to work.

7/11 Tuesday: I was awake since 6, so I think I cleaned my room in the morning. I worked for a few hours, stopped by the bank, mailed my letters I've been meaning to mail, and went home. I was feeling very productive. Aaron was coming over to see me when he got off work. When he got there, there was a bunny rabbit underneath my car. After much working together (A+ cooperation) we caught the rabbit. We put him in a box, put the box in my room so he couldn't get out, and went to the store to get rabbit stuff. I wanted to keep him and was either going to find a friends house to keep him at, or ask my roommate if I could keep him outside or something. We went to Pet Stuff, Petco and Walmart. We ended up buying a few things for him, cheap stuff. (Don't worry I returned it the otehr day).

Anyways, when we went out to the car after walmart, Aaron was getting in, and saw the side of his truck looked funny. Upon a closer look, he realized that someone had MAJORLY dented the back end of his truck bed on the passenger side. Now, anyone who has met Aaron knows how he feels about his truck. It is his pride and joy (a close second to me. LOL!). He was SO MAD. He drove around petco for a bit looking for who might have done it. He called his mom and dad (both weren't home) and bryce (who didn't answer at first). It took him a while to calm down, but eventually he just accepted that it was a hit and run, and he was going to have to fix it. He was mad, but accepting. We had thought maybe a guest at the apartment had done it, but figured Jackie or Steph would have told us if one of their friends did.

We came pulling into his driveway and Jackie's car was there, along with Monica's and her other friend's car. Her back left tail-light was busted out, and had tape on it. He FREAKED out, we figured Jackie wouldn't do anything like that, no matter how much we didn't like her... we gave her more credit than that. I guess we shouldn't have. He slammed the door and ran to the door. He opened it, and was immediatly calm (compared to the rage he was before he opened it). I'm really proud of how well he can handle himself in an intense situation like that. He asked Jackie (who was in the kitchen with her friends) what happened to her tail-light. She got a "deer in the headlights" look, and shrugged her shoulders. She then said it happend at work during lunch today.

We walked outside, and Aaron called the police immediatly. Her and her two friends walked outside to leave. She looked at her tail-light, immediatly looked straight at the dent in his truck (although she supposedly didn't do it and didn't know about it) then continued to say that it happened at work while she was at lunch. We basically ignored her. They left in the two cars. She apparently wasn't bright enough to take her car with her. As we waited for the cops to get there, Aaron called bryce, and he came over. Aaron looked at the two cars, visually measuring where the marks on both vehicles lined up, there was a chip of tail-light in his truck, and we also found tons of tail-light shards right next to where Aaron always parks. We waited outside for the police, and he eventually showed up.

Aaron showed the cop the several pieces of evidence at the scene, explained what happened, etc. I went inside and changed the lock on my door to one I had from my previous apartment that has a key. If she was going to do something like that to Aaron's property in the driveway and not tell us, and lie about it, what might she do to my stuff, if she was upset, especially after we have called the cops on her. The police officer said it was VERY obvious what happend, and he was 100% it was her who did it. He said he would stop by that night to see if she was home to try to convince her that she should confess to it.

Aaron and I went with bryce to coldstones, and then drove back by the house later that evening. She had taken her car at this point, to park it somewhere else for the night, probably wherever she stayed the night. I stayed at Nava's house because i didn't really want to be at my house that night. I had been thinking about moving out early, like immediatly, because I did not trust Jackie enough to stay there any longer, plus I figured she'd kick me out anyways. I called April to see if I could stay with her, and she said she'd talk to her family, even though she had GOBS of stuff going on at her house the next month or so. I love her. :D (thanks april)

7/12 Wednesday: Aaron had an estimate done on his car, and it was $1300 worth of damage. He asked me not to blog about it until it was taken care of, or tell anyone at work. I had to work at 4:30, so I didn't get to see Aaron before work. during the daytime I returned all the rabbit stuff (I had let it go when we were waiting for the cops because I had realized not only could I not keep it, but I shouldn't have spent the money on the stuff, and Aaron was already stressed out enough with the event to deal with setting up a bunny. I went to Boston's to eat with Kayla too. :D It was nice to spend the day with her, since i haven't spend much QT with her for a while. She's grown up so much.

I got off work pretty early because it was not busy enough for me to stay. I picked up Aaron at home and he wanted to stop by my house to see if Jackie was home. She was, so we called the police and asked him to come by, because she was there, and if she wouldn't let him in, we would come let him in. We saw steph walking and gave her a ride to rob's house, because its quite a ways. The police officer said he had stopped by the night before, and three times during the daytime/evening. He said he would stop by soon. Aaron and I went to Taco Bell, and then drove around in town for a minute or two.

Aaron's phone rang and it was my house number. Aaron didn't really want to talk to her, so he waited for her to leave a message. She left a message, something like, "Aaron, I'd like to talk to you, so if you can give me a call, i'm at home and will be awake for an hour." While he was listening to the message, he got a beep and answered it. It was jackie, calling from her cell phone. She asked if he could come by to talk to her and he told her he could come by when the cop got there. She said the cop had already left. We had something else we had to do (go pickup my prize for winning a sales contest at work), but we came over right after that.

We walk in and she ignores us for a few moments, until Aaron asks what she wanted to talk about. She said she was sorry, she hit his truck. He said he wasn't mad because she hit his truck. He was mad because she lied about it. She said she had reasons for lying and if he wanted to hear them she would tell him but... but he wanted to hear them first. She told him she was late for work the day it happened, so she didn't talk to him then. She was going to call from work, but she got busy. When he came in and asked her about it, she was "startled" and so she lied about it, and it was her birthday. Sadface. I will keep my mouth shut about this, and only say I don't believe I can trust anything she says now, because I definatly don't believe any of those excuses. She told him because the cop showed up, and it would have been retarded to lie at that point.

I really didn't want to talk to her at all. I mostly stayed silent because I figured if I did open my mouth, I would definatly be yelling. She asked if I was moving out August 1 or September 1. I'm not sure why, considering I had ALWAYS been planning on moving out between August 20 and September 1, never anywhere NEAR the 1 of August, but she seemed confused. I told her the 25th, and she said "So, by september 1st" and i said, "No, by August 25th." Anyways, she also told me that her and steph had gone and set up a new cable and cable modem (steph had already mentioned) because they "didn't know what I was doing." She also told me she had a new phone number through GCI that should be ready to hook up. I asked her if they were just planning on disconnecting my phone without talking to me. She said I had to get mine disconnected first. I have given that number out to apartments and jobs. I'm not turning it off so they can have a phone, although neither of them use the current one. I told her just that.

Her and Aaron exchanged insurance information, while paced in and out of my room getting things I needed. I was AGAIN impressed with how Aaron handled it. I was so mad that she was still lying (making up excuses about why she didn't tell us, making it sound like she was going to tell us on her own at sometime) and that she had already lied that I could not even speak to her, whereas Aaron was casually talking to her about military housing and random crap. He was mostly just happy that his car was going to get fixed and everything was done with. He's apparently a better person than me.

We left and I was freaking out in the car at Aaron I was so mad about it. It bothered him to see me so upset, but I'm just not sure why I am constantly being surrounded by people that lie through there teeth. I try my hardest to be honest about things, but I have had at least two MAJOR experiences in the last month or two with people lying to me, and then also had one when I left my last apartment. Anyways, if I say anything more it will never stop, so I'll stop myself when I can. Just thinking about it upsets me so much. I hate being in this house because it reminds me about it, and makes me think about it.

Anyways, we ended up going 4-wheeling with Travis and Karrina. I had a horrible time because not only were travis and I not friends anymore, but we were also going to the place i like 4-wheeling the least, AND Karrina didn't want ot get muddy, so it made it even less fun. The worst part about it was that I had to wear a helmet, which hurt my neck, my back, looked funny, made it so I couldn't hear, made it so I couldn't snuggle with Aaron while we drove, and messed up my hair after I took it off. I refuse to wear a helmet again, even if I can't go 4-wheeling anymore. It ruins all the fun I had 4-wheeling, so its turned into snowmachining, which I hate. (well its a step above snowmachining because I hate the cold). I still went the whole time without complaining a lot because I didn't want to ruin it for Aaron. Anyways, i came home and went to bed.

4/13 Thursday: I woke up early to go to Boston's to support Kym in telling Lori that Travis is asking her to have sex with him, and then when she says no, he is a jerk to her at work, and as her supervisor makes her life hard. That was the MAIN reason, although Jeremy also mentioned how Travis was the one who told him to walkout in the first place, as a supervisor, so he could close early that night. We had to wait for Lori to be ready, so we all hung out in the bar for about 1.5 hours, and even Sarah showed up too. :D

After that, I went home and hung out in my room. Jackie knocked on my door and I said "Yes." No answer. A moment later, another knock at the door "YES." "Are you going to open the door, I'm not going to talk to you through the door." I open it (it wasn't even locked). She asked me if i was walking through the house with my shoes (which I haven't been). I told her no. She asked if I didn't trust her with my things anymore (because she had heard that). I told her that considering what she did to Aaron's truck, then lying about it repeatedly, made me wonder what she would do to my things, so No, I didn't trust her. She asked if she should be worried about her things. I told her I wasn't going to touch them, but if she wanted to be worried, she could. (I'm not in control of her feelings)

She then said she felt it would be "Best" if I moved out earlier in August. I asked her if that was a "I feel it would be best" or a months notice. After stuttering for a moment or two, she said it was a months notice. She asked if I wanted to change it to the 11th, because she heard that I had said on the 11th that I was going to move out. I cannot IMAGINE why I would want to move out on the 11th, but thanks for the option I guess. I told her I had thought about it, but changed my mind about it. I told her I would stick with the 13th. She also asked me if I had seen the electric bill on the fridge. I told her that was why there was the money the fridge for the electric bill, with the arrow pointing to it from the note. She left without taking the money, but I guess its her money, she can do what she wants with it.

Soon after I left to meet Aaron at Chaz. On the way out I asked the she write a formal written notice citing specific reasons why I'm being asked to leave. I spent the evening with Aaron, and went home around midnight. When I came home there was a letter for me. She cited her reason as being "time needed to prepare the apartment for incoming tenants." Again with the lying, but whatever. I guess I'll be gone in a month, so it won't matter anyways. So, I have to find a place to stay for two weeks before I leave for anchorage, which shouldn't be too hard, and then I will be gone.

I keep thinking of all these things I'd like to say to Jackie, most of them mean, but some of them just confused, or pointing out, etc. I probalby won't say any of them before I leave. I probably won't blog about them either, but I will say that I am pretty disappointed how this apartment turned out. I had a friend recommend her as a roommate, and I trust that person, because they have a good character, and they are a wonderful person. It makes me sad that the person they recommended did not posess the same characteristics. I am not sure if she is different with her friends, or if the person just didn't warn me, but either way, I had much higher expectations when going into this.

My next apartment will be solo, so I shouldn't have the problem of living with a crazy person again. LOL! That is until Aaron and i get married. LOL! Just kidding. Speaking of my next apartment, I did get a phone call today from one of the apartment buildings, the "safer/nicer" one (aka more expensive). They ahve accepted me, and i still have great credit. :D They also have a job opening there, and if I get it, I get 30% off the apartment price. :D She is going to send me a link with the website. I fixed up my resume just a touch, adding a few points for my boston's job. :D I'll let you know. If I ever get some from him, I will post pictures of the dent in his truck.

Anyways, sorry about any negativity in this post. It feels like all i've done in the last few days is deal with this, and it was definatly a big enough deal to post about. Even when I wasn't with Aaron, I kept thinking about it, because it bothered me so much, the lying. I counted and I found 12 chances she had to tell Aaron what happened, but she chose not to. To me, that definatly means she wasn't planning on telling him, until the cop showed up at her door. I'm not even sure why she would go to such measure's (i.e. lying) when her insurance will cover it, and barely raise her rates. Either way, I am trying to get over it, but it is hard. Every time I see her, every time I have nothing to occupy my thoughts, it comes back at me, and makes me upset, all over again. I just can't wait for this motnh and a half to be over and I'll be in anchorage, with all new trials and tribulations. :D

Plan

Okay, so I am telling myself all thest things, like that I need to eat at home, and I need to stop spending money, but i just keep doing it. I am wondering if I write it down, if I will follow it? So, here goes.

1) deposit ALL tip money from work into Alaska USA account.
2) stop buying food at work every day, so eat before I go to work.
3) stop buying food at restaurants and fast food. If Aaron wants food out, he can pay.
4) Do not buy unnecessary things, i.e. makeup, earrings, clothes, etc.
5) Money should only be used from Alaska USA for food/necessities at the store, gas and bills.
6) I can have one entertainment expense a week, whether it is movies or something else.
7) Before I leave for Anchorage, I need to pay my dad back, and have $1250 saved up.
8) If I have more than $1250, I can get my hair done before I leave for Anchorage.

I hope this works. I think I can if I'm doing the first one. I often don't put all my money into the bank right away. I do some, and then by the time i get to the bank, i deposits whats left, and I've spent it all, but I hate using my check card for entertainment or fast food, etc. Anyways, that is all for now.

Productivity Going Up!

Wednesday was my day off, and I was pretty productive. I hadn't been getting much sleep, so I let myself sleep until I felt like waking up. Once I got up, I filled out both Rental Applications for the places in Anchorage, Filled out my Application for Deferment, Filled out Rachel's Background Check form, Called about my ticket, and wrote a check to them to mail. Finally, right after I had finished all that, Aaron got here. I finished getting ready and we went to do my laundry. I put it in, got my ring cleaned, deposited money, returned movies, picked up some stuff I had lost at blockbuster and picked up my laundry. I was done with all that at about 8. I spent about 5 hours doing errands and things that I needed to get done, instead of sitting around. I spent the evening with Aaron watching TV and movies.

Thursday I woke up at around noon. I looked at jobs online in anchorage for most of the day. I figured out how much I needed to make an hour to be able to afford whatever apartment I wanted and how many hours i'd have to work at that pay. I hope I can find a place that will pay that much. I have everything set up to send out, like my ticket, Rachel's background check, my rental applications and my deferment application. I have to work at 6:30. I am proud of myself that I have been getting that kind of stuff done.

I am worried about whats going to happen. I want to move to Anchorage. Its really important to me for many reasons that some know, but I dont' know if I will be able to afford it. I've heard that Anchorage's Boston's is not nearly as busy, and that they might not need me. They haven't called me yet, and I don't know if I will have that job. I went looking at jobs today, and found quite a few that interested me. I really hope that I get one of them. If I have to move sooner than planned for a job, I will, but I would rather move the same time as Aaron because I will have been able to save enough money to move, and will be able to have him help me move my stuff.

Anyways, I worry alot. I should jsut let it go. Tomorrow I may try to apply for some of the jobs I found, see what they say. I am also going to fax and mail those things that I need to. I might try to clean my room also. I'm about to hang out with Aaron now, for a little while before work. I hope I make LOTS of money tonight.

Little Confused... Happy 4th of July!

So, I was thinking more about the negative feedback I was given about my blog. I had mentioned it to Aaron, and he said, they are right, you are negative on your blog. He said I never talk about the happy times. I insisted that I did, but he wasn't sure. We went back to my blog and the last several posts (except the "McDonalds" post) have been positive. Even when there was a small thing that was unhappy, it wasn't dwelled on, it was just mentioned, then let go. I didn't realize I had been doing THAT good. :D I also haven't been backbiting, that I saw (in the last several). The one Sevice post was more a commentary about fairbanks in general, and less about people. So, I'm not going to "take back" my previous post, but I am going to say I am very proud of myself, for how positive I have been. I have been talking about having fun at work, and having fun with Aaron and having fun with the family, etc. :D

Anyways, so, when I last posted, it was Friday night, although it says Saturday morning. I went to bed later and woke up to quite a bit of noise. I ignored it and stayed asleep. It is the 1st. Rent is due and I had it. When I woke up a second time, I overheard Jackie telling our roommate that I better have rent for her and she wasn't putting up with it this time, etc. That really hurt my feelings. I'm over it now, but at the time, it confused me. I have never been late on rent. I have always had it by the first, usually before. Anyways, I'm over that now, just wanted to share it. Maybe people are considering that kind of thing negative. I dont think I do, its just something that happened. I used to relay almost ANYTHING of note in my blog. I have widdled it down to a bit more important things of note, usually things that hurt me, made me happy, lead to another story, etc.

Either way, it was a good thing, because after that I just wanted to get out of the house. I didn't feel comfortable being there because I was pretty hurt by what she said. Aaron was out of town, my dad was busy, Rachel was out of town, Nava was out of town, Karrina was out of town, etc. I didn't know who to call. I went through the list of numbers in my house phone. I called aleena and she was at work. I went to visit her at work and spent the REST of the day there, until I had to work. It was tons of fun. I have missed talking to her. Anyways, we were supposed to hang out Sunday morning, but she didn't answer her phone (I found otu later she was at the hospital getting an IV).

Sunday I just spent with Aaron until I had to work.I bought about 6 pairs of CUTE earrings. I hadn't bought anything in quite a while, and I've been told by many that you need to spend a little bit of money on yourself every once in a while. Its made me happy trying out different earrings every day at work. They are all really Long earrings, like one pair is close to my shoulders. :D Monday Aaron was busy, so I cleaned my room some. :D Yay for me. :D Monday night was 4th of July eve, so Aleena was having a party. Aaron and I were going to go, but when we called her, Felicia, Jsoh and Curtis were there, and I had no desire to see them (Neither did Aaron). We ended up not going.

Aleena didn't call this morning. SHe probably had to go to her mom's BBQ she was trying to avoid. I can't imagine her getting out of that. LOL! Aaron and I went shopping, which was fun, but totally uneventful fourth of July. I did MySpace message all my friends in Iraq, thanking them for serving in the military, and protecting our freedoms, etc. I know its cheesy, but I just wanted to. It was nice to hear back from Travis already. :D ANyways, it was dead at work tonight, so I got off pretty early. I went to Aaron's and we rented a movie. It was okay to see once, but definatly not much more than that. Its called "The Matador."

Now, I am home.Tomorrow I want to clean my room the rest of the way, but more importantly, I want to do some laundry at the laundrymat. Doing laundry at my dads has been working, but I won't get to stop by this week, and my work clothes are dirty, and most of my shirts, etc. Maybe i'll do my sheets too. I might drop off some clothes at sunshines to fix. I haven't decided yet. I have a few other things to do, but not crucial. Thats about all. Goodnight to all.

Just thinking

So, I got an e-mail from somone saying I complain alot on my blog and do alot of backbiting and gossip. At first, I thought about it and wasn't really sure how to take it I guess. Then, as I was talking to my friend rachel, i kinda realized something (only slightly related to the backbiting and gossip stuff). She was talking to me about how her boyfriends been very, as Aaron and I call it, "Lovey Dovey" recently. She really likes it. I started thinking about how nice it is for her to have that. (I am getting to the relationship between these two. My brains weird.) She was pretty happy about that, and although alot of other crap is going on, she was able to be happy about that. I started thinking about how nice its been that my life is been going pretty easy. I like my job, even when they are being stupd. I have a few good friends that I enjoy. I have a boyfriend I love, who is Lovey Dovey quite often actually.

Anyways, I wondered what I have been complaining about on my blog. I thought about it, and remembered some of the crappy stuff, like the Travis thing, and the roommate thing, and the Customer Service thing (although that was more of a rant than something that actually made me "unhappy about life." Anyways, I realized that although those are the things I talk about (sometimes) thats not really all that bad, and my life is going pretty good. Now, i just have to find a way to keep that fact from God so he doesn't test me by throwing some stick in my wheel and ruin the happiness I have. LOL! I figured if I keep complaining to everyone maybe it will trick God into thinking that I'm having enough tests as it is. LOL! No? it won't work you say? Lame!

Anyways, Aaron has noticed it too, that i've been alot angrier recently. I talk about people at work sometimes and how they make me mad, and get REALLY into it, or I talk about people on the road, or the McDonalds thing (that one was the worst). I would get really angry and glare at these people, etc. Then I'd come home and rant (loudly) to him about it. I was trying to figure out why I've been letting these little things upset me. I don't know if its the people I'm around (my roommate, people at work, etc.) or if its something to do with me. They don't really ruin my life or anything (these little things) just recently they have been bothering me and then the ranting is just cause i like to talk I guess.

Anyways, I apologize for some of the complaining on my blog. I am not going to apologize for all of it, because the main point of this blog for me is to A) Let people know whats going on in my life and B) to vent my frustrations. I try to do that without being mean about people. I think I've gotten better about it. If people just come on here to see what i've been up to, I don't have enough to write about to blog even every week. The only thing that changes from week to week is either my work schedule, or my bill situation, which is basically, i'm Caught up, etc. Speaking of, I transferred the money to Aaron today. :D