Response to a Comment
I try to respond to comments on my blog. SOmeone posted a comment on one of my posts (not sure which, this
"You do not menchine if you've asked travis to his face if he's said those things to those girls. Gossip is transformed and mixed up when passed on through people. Remember that. so ask the horses mouth before you start talking about people. You are a Baha'i and what i read is that your backbitting and that is againt the baha'i law. Also you say your karrrina's friend but you arn't if you don't tell her."
So, I figured I'd respond to that. I thought I did mention that after I heard the VERY first thing about him, I had a talk with him, during which he never outright denied anything, just vaugly made it sound like everyone was lying about him. The only time it works to "ask the horses mouth" is when you feel that you can trust what that person has to say. I didn't feel I could trust him before I heard anything, and so if I did ask him, it might not have done any good because the trust wasn't there, which is why we aren't friends anymore, there is no trust. I don't know if I mentioned before, but when I did go support a girl feeling sexually harassed, and we were in lori's office, I asked her if he ever mentioned anything about a guy who grabbed my ass, because I had asked him to talk to her, as the manager he told me he was/was going to be, which also wasn't true. He had said he had told her twice, and he hadn't. This also didn't help me trust him.
Most of the part that could be considered gossip would be what was said on this blog, and thats more a journal for myself. Mostly, after the first day or two, I tried not to gossip. I listened to what the girls told me, and when it became serious, I said I would support them telling our boss. I didn't go running around telling everyone I knew about the whole situation. When people would ask why we weren't friends anymore, I tried to mostly say that I couldn't trust him because he was lying to me and others. I'm not saying i'm perfect and NEVER gossiped, or backbited, but I did try my hardest not to.
In regards to not telling Karrina. That was a tough issue. I had almost EVERYONE I know, when I mentioned it for advice, tell me not to tell her because they said it wasn't my business. They also said I didn't have proof, and so I shouldn't tell her, and as the commenter said themselves, it would have been gossip and backbiting. I was slightly torn though because I do consider her a friend, and felt she had a right to know, but at the same time, I was worried that all it would do was make her mad at me, and that she would not believe me. I was still in the process of deciding what I was going to do, and everytime I thought about doing it, I was told by several people not to say anything, and it made me go back and ponder whether it was a good idea.
Anyways, thats prety much everything. i do not feel bad for what I did. The only part I feel bad for is if I did accidently backbite to people not involded about the whole situation, which wasn't often, but sometimes. I will say I was trying my hardest not to, and sometimes I make mistakes. That is the only part I feel bad about. I will NEVER feel bad about supporting a girl saying she has been sexually harassed. Even if it turns out to be a lie, because at least the girl then knows that if it ever really happens, she can come forward because she felt supported at one time. When I did support her, almost all of what I did was standing there, encouraging her to tell our boss what happened. I feel good about doing that. :D
"You do not menchine if you've asked travis to his face if he's said those things to those girls. Gossip is transformed and mixed up when passed on through people. Remember that. so ask the horses mouth before you start talking about people. You are a Baha'i and what i read is that your backbitting and that is againt the baha'i law. Also you say your karrrina's friend but you arn't if you don't tell her."
So, I figured I'd respond to that. I thought I did mention that after I heard the VERY first thing about him, I had a talk with him, during which he never outright denied anything, just vaugly made it sound like everyone was lying about him. The only time it works to "ask the horses mouth" is when you feel that you can trust what that person has to say. I didn't feel I could trust him before I heard anything, and so if I did ask him, it might not have done any good because the trust wasn't there, which is why we aren't friends anymore, there is no trust. I don't know if I mentioned before, but when I did go support a girl feeling sexually harassed, and we were in lori's office, I asked her if he ever mentioned anything about a guy who grabbed my ass, because I had asked him to talk to her, as the manager he told me he was/was going to be, which also wasn't true. He had said he had told her twice, and he hadn't. This also didn't help me trust him.
Most of the part that could be considered gossip would be what was said on this blog, and thats more a journal for myself. Mostly, after the first day or two, I tried not to gossip. I listened to what the girls told me, and when it became serious, I said I would support them telling our boss. I didn't go running around telling everyone I knew about the whole situation. When people would ask why we weren't friends anymore, I tried to mostly say that I couldn't trust him because he was lying to me and others. I'm not saying i'm perfect and NEVER gossiped, or backbited, but I did try my hardest not to.
In regards to not telling Karrina. That was a tough issue. I had almost EVERYONE I know, when I mentioned it for advice, tell me not to tell her because they said it wasn't my business. They also said I didn't have proof, and so I shouldn't tell her, and as the commenter said themselves, it would have been gossip and backbiting. I was slightly torn though because I do consider her a friend, and felt she had a right to know, but at the same time, I was worried that all it would do was make her mad at me, and that she would not believe me. I was still in the process of deciding what I was going to do, and everytime I thought about doing it, I was told by several people not to say anything, and it made me go back and ponder whether it was a good idea.
Anyways, thats prety much everything. i do not feel bad for what I did. The only part I feel bad for is if I did accidently backbite to people not involded about the whole situation, which wasn't often, but sometimes. I will say I was trying my hardest not to, and sometimes I make mistakes. That is the only part I feel bad about. I will NEVER feel bad about supporting a girl saying she has been sexually harassed. Even if it turns out to be a lie, because at least the girl then knows that if it ever really happens, she can come forward because she felt supported at one time. When I did support her, almost all of what I did was standing there, encouraging her to tell our boss what happened. I feel good about doing that. :D
posted by Evelyna @ 3:01 AM
1 Comments:
At 11:17 PM, July 25, 2006,
Anonymous said…
SOOO, talking to your friends and writing on your blog which are public accessable you call that not backbiting. Do you ever think that Travis tells his girlfriend everthing that is going on at work. And the fact that you aren't friends with him because you think he is a liar, because maybe somebody said something and you took it out of context.Also Kim said you said that Karrina was just an was not a good friend. I'm thinking you don't believe that anything thats really goign on at work. So until you are talking about yourself and not so called backbitting on your blog you should keep your mouth shut about other peoples buisness. If it has nothing to do with you.
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