I Hate Being Replaced

Okay, so this has happened to me other times, which I'm over, but that it happened again sucks. I have this sign that I guess says "For Use When LoveLife is Non-Existent." or something like that. I am not going to go over the first time, because I'm over it, and me and the person have gotten over it, and I love her. :D This time, its my roommate. We were spending almost ALL our time together when she was single. We were both single, so we were just running around having fun. It was some of the funnest times of my life, and also the most Dramatic. I'm sure you remember those times if you've been keeping up with my blog. So, anyways, as the story goes, I introduce her into a friend, and i'm so excited when they hit it off because I figured I wouldn't have to worry about her. I was apparently wrong.

She was SO into him that she wouldn't talk to thim about things because she was scared of losing him. I was like that with Aaron and first, but he reassured me enough that it definatly wasn't happening. (That was nice of him) So, when he broke up with her, it was devestating for her. She cried alot, and I was there to hold her and tell her it would be okay. The whole time she was dating him, if he was in town, she was with him. I'll admit, I'm like that with Aaron also. It was fun, us four. When they broke up I was willing to give up some time with Aaron to spend with her. I wasn't happy that she was sad, but I was excited about the possibility of getting to spend time with her again. For a while there, we weren't really ever talking because she was so busy with him.

A day after they broke up, he was back at the house. I was thoroughly confused. She explained that she wanted to stay friends with him. She'd rather have him as a friend than not at all. I could understand that. The thing is, that its still her and him in her room with the door closed. Its still him sleeping here, in her bed, more often than he did when they were dating. Its still him and her cuddling on the couch. She is still his doting servent. He does not have a car, but manages to get EVERYWHERE because he calls her for rides. She was hanging out with Aaron the other night, and he called for a ride, and immediately was free to drive him. She picks him up from sports events, drives him to them, to or from work when she's free. It started to worry me. It wasn't even me and her and him and aaron anymore. It was just them two. Granted, i'm not around as much because it bothers me. I've always been really protective of her, and what I see is her getting taken advantage of. I'm not the only one who sees this, btw. I worry that although she says they are JUST friends and she has NO feelings for him, that he will one day leave and not come back, and she will be left wondering why they never got back together, or something. Now, I probably just need to ignore it, because it really really upsets her when I say that to her.

There is another part to it. THat last part is the part that cares about her more than anything and worries when people are taking advantage of her or possibally going to hurt her. The selfish part of me is jealous. I know, its sad. But, it is really hard for me to handle everyone in my life always ditching me when they get someone new in their life. They get a boyfriend, and all of a sudden theres not time for me.

One of my friends pointed out that I do this with Aaron. I might have, but i'm not sure. That person was a baha'i. I have regrettably pulled away from the faith a bit, so being around the baha'is feels awkward. I always feel like they either 1)wonder where I've been and want to invite me back to things, not realizing that i don't want to go anymore or 2)are disapopinted that I haven't been to anything and wonder where I've been and don't invite me because they know I don't want to go, but look Sad. (i'd perfer this because that way they don't just keep inviting me and I keep having to say no) Anyways, totally off topic, but the point of that tangent was that I stopped hanging out with the Baha'is months before aaron and I started hanging out/dating. My non-baha'i friends I still try to find time for, and still call. I don't have my cell phone anymore, so thats a big part of my separation. The other is lack of money, and another is I'm tired of putting in ALL the effort. With Aaron, I don't have to do any effort, he's just always there. Its nice once in a while. With some people, I still put forth the effort (i.e. aleena, rachel, dad for a while).

Anyways, back to the main point. Although its hard for me to be put aside for a boyfriend, its still easier than being put aside for just a friend. If she isn't "in love with him" or doesn't like him at all, then she has in essence replaced me, because I'm basically not in her life nearly as much as she is, and I live with her. It also feels like he's more important to her than I am because she not only spends ALL her time with him, and does things with him that she was supposed to do with me (ex:bake a cake we shopped for together), but she also seems to stick up for him more than me.

Now, where is this randomly coming from? So, last night (well still tonight for me) he was here when I came home. Awkward. I got my stuff and was going to clean my room and do laundry (desparately needed). I was distracted on the couch, they left, she took him to the gas station I guess. Apparently he was either meeting someone there or doing something there. She came back and asked me if I didn't like him anymore. I told her that that wasn't it. She asked if I was still mad at him I told her no. She asked why it was awkward, and I told her nevermind or something and that it was dumb. She took that as her and his relationship was dumb (I meant me being jealous cause it is admitedly a little childish). I told her no, then she assumed He was dumb (no) or that she was dumb (no). I told her, no, it was me, and I"m dumb, and not to worry about it. After that she stomped up the stairs and told her sister about how mad she was at me (thats why i felt she was sticking up for him over me, because she got mad at me, whose been there for her since 10th grade, because I wasn't being TOTALLY friendly to him). Anyways, when I heard her upstairs talking to her sister about how mad she was at me (thats ALL I NEED is her sister mad at me, its hard enough with her without Aleena being mad at me too) I decided I couldn't handle it.

I left. I cried, I called aaron but he was snowmachinging. I hung out at walmart. I went to bently mall. I stopped by rachels (not home) then Nava's. For those of you that don't know her, Nava isn't exactly the consoling type. Shes awesome and fun, but not good for making you feel better. I tried Aaron again, no answer. I tried his home and he was there. When I asked him if I could stop by (figuring he got my almost crying message about aleena being mad at me) he was like, I guess, if you want, but I don't know what we'll do (like he didn't really want me to). I was really upset that he wasn't being more sweet. When I got there it turned out that when he got the message it was really crackly and didn't really understand. He tried to make me feel better a little, but not a whole bunch. Bryce and me and him went back to my house (no one was home), got my work clothes, then I drove them back.

I was already having a horrible day and then I had to work. Lame. I get to work, and I'm in section 2 (thats all the little two seater booths and the counter. Tips as a percentage of sales might be okay, but you get WAY WAY less sales, so less tips total. They sent me home at 2:15. It was SO SO SO slow. I made almost $40 woohoo. I guess in 2.5 hours, thats pretty good. $16 in tips, but I really needed alot of money. Either way, now i'm home, glad to be home and can't wait to sleep. Tomorrow I plan to clean my room and maybe some of the house, and do laundry. Thanks for listening. Sorry its so long. I tried to add some paragraphs to make it easier.